We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
