I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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