sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize