the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
