I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't deserve a penis
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
