Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
