i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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