you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
