Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize