I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
