Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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