I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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