He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
