Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
