Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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