Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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