btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Where is the hickey?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
