she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
