I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
