i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
