Dude my mom stole all your condoms
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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