Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
