I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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