So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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