we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
