would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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