Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
