Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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