i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
