And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
