I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
