just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
