Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she told me i tasted like america
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
