Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
