ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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