I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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