you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
