drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
