oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
