I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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