Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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