I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
