I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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