i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
