i need an iv and a liver transplant
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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