You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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