apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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