How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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