Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
