why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
