even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your penis caused this!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
