and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
