I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
