Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
