i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
