trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
