Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
