Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They are going to name an STD after you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
