New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
