Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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