take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
