ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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