That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
