My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
