So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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