1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
