I hate all girls vehemently.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
