In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
