yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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